Why Do We Think Sex is Bad?
I’ve been thinking about sex a lot, lately
Yes, even though I’m getting it regular. Maybe because of that, I don’t know.
Some of you may remember my Sex in Fiction post, where I talked about how negative some of the reactions to graphic descriptions of sex can be and what you should do about those reactions. (Summary: make the scenes more graphic.)
I’ve also complained about some of the prurient attitudes of some beta readers to the sex depicted in my novel, The Fate of Stars.
I’ve expressed puzzlement, anger, and amusement at these reactions; not really giving them much thought beyond.
Over the years, I’ve gained some insight into why this attitude has persisted.
Most Writers Talk about this Problem
Unusually for a profession that requires hours of solitude and quiet, writers tend to be both social and cliquish—at least with each other.
I’ve networked with a sizable number of them. Most have websites that are, or include, blogs.
A subset of them are women who blog about and write erotica. (Why I’m networking with women who write pornography I leave is an exercise for the reader.)
The following are my conclusions about the whole shame/sex thing as it applies to the written word. The descriptions below aren’t universal, but most apply.
Female Writers’ Contribution
In my interactions with female erotic writers/bloggers, I have noted the following about them as a group.
The typical woman blogger/pornographer is past thirty, out of a first marriage, or serious long-term relationship, and is writing as part of a serious exploration of her sexuality.
This exploration, which most often includes actual sexual experimentation, is only possible because her age and experience have helped her shed several layers of shame about her sexuality and sex in general.
My post, The Return of the Letter, I mentioned how the written word can provide a forum wherein that which embarrasses or shames can be explored.
Having shed her shame about sex in her own life, this woman is eager to continue the process. She does so by writing about it in a public forum. Her blog posts are letters to the aethyr, intimate portraits of her love/sex life.
Blogging about her issues and writing out her fantasies gives her the opportunity to explore her own sexuality and to share her discoveries in an atmosphere that allows her to maintain anonymity and intimacy simultaneously.
Thus, she learns what all the sexually liberated have learned—shame and sex do not belong in the same conversation, let alone the same act.
The sexual act is healthy both mentally and physically in ways we’re only beginning to appreciate.
Moreover, with its symphonic variety, sex is also glorious. No one unblinkered by religious indoctrination could possibly call orgasm anything else!
