Dear Facebook: I’m Sorry. So Very…

…Very, Very, Very, Very Sorry.

I did an unforgivable thing.  I posted a picture of an uncensored vulva on Alchemy of the Word’s Facebook page.

Here is the offending image, which I’m so ashamed to post again, even though it’s part of my abject, grovelling apology:

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A [shudder!] Naked Vulva!

Now, you’re probably saying to yourself, ‘That doesn’t seem so bad.  I mean, there’s nothing going in it and nothing coming out.  It isn’t even in an obvious state of arousal, as anyone who’s been this close to one in an aroused state can tell.’  (If you’ve had sex with a woman and have never been this close to her vulva, shame on you.)

‘Granted, it’s been shaved,’ I hear you continue, ‘but that doesn’t mean anything.  I mean, men shave their beards and people don’t get up in arms about it (except in Islamist-run countries).  So where’s that harm?’

Where’s the harm?!

Are you serious?!

It’s a Vulva!  A pudendum (lit. “that whereof one ought to feel shame“)!  It bleeds five days a month and makes the whole woman horribly unclean.  You’re not even allowed to look at her when this is going on, either.  It is the source of vile and evil lust in otherwise pure and saintly men, tempting them to sin and damning them to eternal torment in hell, just for thinking of it!

It’s worse than naked boobs, for Heaven’s sake.  These, I mean (again, I’m so sorry and ashamed to have to post this):

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An evil woman tempting us with her exposed boobs.

In fact, to be safe, all women should be covered completely in public.  I think it’s the only way we men can avoid committing rape every time we leave our homes.  Who’s with me?

Even as you read this, many of you men are finding that your pants fit funny just from thinking of those pictures above. (Sorry!)  I’ve probably damned thousands of you already. (so sorry!)

Good, church going old ladies “with evil, pinched, bitter, ugly, faces” [W. S. Burroughs] are probably holding prayer vigils for you poor bastards.

And all of this because I thoughtlessly put that picture on my adults only Facebook page, without thinking of the horrors and eternal torture that would surely be the result.

Shame, shame, shame on me!

Yours Most Contritely,

—Gideon (I’m Sorry) Jagged
Toronto, (Very, Very sorry)
September 2013 e.v.
Copyright © 2013 C.E., Gideon Jagged (sorry, again) & Alchemy of the Word
All Rights (Sorry) Reserved

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Author of Speculative & Erotic Fiction, Contrarian Essayist, Freethinker, Feminist, Free Expression Absolutist, Proud Child of the Enlightenment, Elf.